Building Rapport

Rapport is defined as a sympathetic relationship or understanding. Its an ability of relating to others that creates a level of trust and and demonstrating you understand with their world view. It doesn't necessarily mean they like you at first, but there is a mutual connection.

Some people are naturals at building Rapport. Kids tend to be good at it, without knowing how or why, but as we get older it almost seems like we lose this innate ability to connect.

Wouldn't it be an awesome superpower if your child could connect with almost anyone?

There is lots of science out there, and psychology is stuffed full of studies on how people connect with each other. There are many books online that can explain the art of building rapport, including Tony Robbins, Ben Evans, and Claire Raines.  One of my favourite resources however on building rapport would have to be "It's Not All About Me: The Top Ten Techniques for Building Quick Rapport with Anyone" by Robin Dreeke.

His process not only includes research into social and evolutionary psychology, but it’s been honed from years of field experience. FBI field experience. Yeah.

This book breaks down building rapport into 10 key areas. Now, when you look at these areas they look very adult-y. I want to try and link them back to some hacks that we can instill in our kids to enable them to better connect and build rapport with people.

1. Establishing that you wont take up much of their time

• First step is to ensure it is clear that you wont take up much of their valuable time. 
• Humans have evolved like this, as there is a perceived risk when talking to a stranger

2. Look non threatening

• Smile
• Tilt your head slightly to show you are comfortable and trust them
• Lower your chin angle
• Stand/sit at a slight angle to someone

3. Slower talking

• People think you are more credible and like-able when you slow down and show you want to be understood, and that you are taking time to understand them

​4. Give Assistance freely

• Based on the human trait of wanting to accept requests for help, if you give help freely you will connect at a deep unconscious level

5. Drop the Ego

• This goes against most peoples conscious behavior and is arguably the most difficult 
• Put others wants, needs and worldview ahead of your own.
• Encourage the other person to talk in more depth about their important topics, and resist the temptation to come up with a better story, or corrections, or contradictions.

6. Validate Others

• Listen. Very simple to do, but hard to do as well. Be there simply to listen, with eye contact, be attentive and nod your head. Even better is to mirror their posture when listening to really show you are engrossed in their story.
• Be thoughtful - think about the other peoples needs, and demonstrate it.
• Validate others thoughts and opinions. People connect with other people that are just like them, so if you validate someones world view then you are going to be more likable.

7. Ask How/Why/When

• Avoid questions with a yes/no answer

8. Connect with sharing information about yourself in conversation

• To open people up give up a little information about yourself
• This can help with introverted or shy people, and when someone realises they have been doing all the talking and all of a sudden stop.

9. Gift Giving

• Conversational reciprocation. People are hard-wired to give back when you give something first
• Give compliments, smiles, affirmations
• Be sincere about it - don't expect the same back, do it without an agenda

10. Manage Expectations

• there is always an agenda when talking with people - building a relationship, taking some sort of action etc
• mask your agenda if you have to, shift it to a shared agenda, or some sort of altruistic agenda that doesn't necessarily benefit you.

That is a lot of information to take in, even when summarised to these bare bones.

So how can kids start practicing the skill of building good rapport with others? We can boil down some simple hacks for kids..

1. Smile. Mimic peoples posture, nod your head in agreement
2. Give sincere compliments
3. Listen with undivided attention, maintaining eye contact.
4. Validate their world view, agree with them.

The hardest one .. but most valuable in my opinion..

• Drop the Ego.
  • Practice NOT being better than someone.
  • Practice NOT being smarter than someone.
  • Practice NOT disagreeing with someone

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Phew. 

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